Tonight, as is too often the case, I find myself lost in my thoughts. This evening’s ramblings have been on the topic of identity, mine to be precise. After spending the past month running around like a crazy person, I find myself incredibly drained and apathetic about life in general. While I usually would consider myself an uplifting and passionate person, I have caught myself being very negative and aimless lately. Today, I decided to ask the question, “why?”
I am a first semester senior in college with a bizarre major that no one thinks I can use. I am working 20-30 hours a week at a job that has nothing to do with my major. When asked what I want to do with my life I chuckle to myself a little because I do not have a clue. It has been easy for me to fall into apathy because in my mind, I had little to look forward to.
When did I put God in a box? When did I begin to doubt his plans over my life?
In this time of listlessness, I began to question a lot of things. Why was I here? What purpose was I serving? I’m not the same wide-eyed dreamer that I was when I graduated from high school. So, who am I?
That is where I finally stopped to answer the questions I had been asking myself. Memories of Christian summer camp talks about identity danced in my head. We were warned not to put our identities in things that are fleeting or of the world, but what does that mean? Some people think of their identity as an Instagram bio: a brief description of the important things people need to know about you. I, however, like to take it a bit deeper.
Webster’s dictionary defines identity as, “the fact of being who or what a person or thing is.” My identity is not just what people perceive me to be, or what I want people to think I am. Identity is absolutely at the core of who I am. So who am I? Am I a college student? I won’t be one of those for much longer. Am I a Veterinary Assistant? Well that may be my job title but I will not claim that to be who I am at the core of my being.
There is only thing that I want to be at the core of who I am. People will always let us down because we are broken people. Not a single one of us will go through this life without pain, but there is one constant among all of it and that is Jesus. I cannot tell you how much peace I find in knowing that my future career, life partner, family and what not do not depend solely on me. When I take matters into my own hands, they tend to crumble. I have peace in knowing that regardless of my shortcomings and wanderings, there is someone greater than me who not only is in control, but he loves me and is weaving all of these knots and loose ends into something beautiful.
At the core of who I am, there is only one thing that I want to drive me to action and that is Christ. I will no longer let other’s expectations of me, stereotypes, fear of judgment, failure or being alone be what I claim as my identity. Having been someone who has let just about everything else drive my life in the past, trust me, it is not worth it. The Lord alone satisfies and the Lord alone can heal, turning the broken into beautiful. Live in the freedom of what God has spoken over you. See your identity in His words and embrace the beauty in them.
Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.
1 John 3:1-2
I see what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will has not yet been made known. But we do know that when Christ appears, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
For we know that the body was crucified with Him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin.
As always, if any of this hit home for you and you would like some prayer, please feel free to contact us via the tab above. We would love nothing more than to walk alongside you as best as we can.