Wow, it’s been a while since I’ve sat down to type. Honestly, it feels a little weird.
You see, coming back to school this semester, I was not ready for the avalanche that was about to hit me. What avalanche, you may ask? I did not hear about any avalanches in Lynchburg this year? Well this avalanche was not a physical one, but an emotional and spiritual one that tore me to bits over my pride and sent me wandering from the Lord.
Guys, I am going to be honest. Last semester may have just been another semester in college for some people, but it was another chapter in life that I would rather not look back on. I confess that I was a prideful jerk who hurt people for the sake of my pride and my supposed “spiritual well-being.” I thought that I had grown enough in my walk with the Lord and did not need to learn anymore. I hurt a dear friend because I was hurting, and did it in the name of Christ. Calling it for what it was, I wandered from the path of life. I wandered from the throne of my Father to bask in the throne of my own pride.
This is the part of the story where the audience interjects with a loud and extended, “nooooooooooo!!!!!!”
Yes, that was a no-no. The worst part about it was that I walked into this second semester with the same attitude. I was wrong.
You see, I still held the attitude that I did not need to learn anything anymore. I was content with where I was with Christ and I was content with leaving that friendship I had lost in the past. I would say I was lonely and misunderstood, when in reality, I pushed everyone away so that no one could even get close. I pushed God away because I thought He had brought me far enough. I idolized my loneliness, and dug my own pit.
It wasn’t until one night, when a friend came to my dorm to work on a class assignment with me, that something changed. We talked. I asked her questions about an opportunity that had presented itself and that facade I had built up so well over the past semester fell apart right in front of her.
I was exposed. It was the sweet, but convicting words she had spoken that crushed me and led me to surrender. I could no longer hide my sin, and I could no longer call it maturity. I could barely stand to look at myself or into myself any longer. The more inwardly I looked, the more I got lost in the pit of my sin. When people asked me how I was, I couldn’t say I was “good,” because I wasn’t “good.” I was a wreck and a monster.
But, and but being the key word here, God said something totally different. He did not deny the depravity of my wretched heart, and He most certainly did not dismiss it for one second. He did do one thing though. He said, “repent, and you shall be forgiven on account of My Holy name.”
Let me tell you, in repentance and surrender I found the greatest joy in laying my sin and life down. I found Him.
You see, God did not just brush my sin to the side and say, “Daughter, it’s okay that you’ve sinned, I still delight in you and call you mine.” No, He instead said, “Daughter, your sin lays before me, for you have sinned against Me and Me alone, but ‘your sins have been forgiven on account of His name’ (1 John 2:12b); ‘go now and leave your life of sin.’ (John 8:11b).” As the loving father He is, He did not just let me go freely, He disciplined me, but His discipline was out of love.
In His love, I found myself at the foot of His cross once again, the place where I should have been all last semester. In His love as well, I look back over the past couple semesters and see His faithfulness all throughout my time of wandering.
I now see that all last semester and the beginning of this semester, even as I was running from Him, He did not stop pursuing me. As I sat in my pride, He did not stop speaking. As I tried so hard to get that friend out of my life, she is the very one that God used to show me His grace and kindness. As I kept running, He ran even faster, and as I hid, He kept searching. He did not stop loving me, even when my heart loved other things above Him. He did not stop being who He is just because I was being who I should not have been.
In 2 Timothy 2:13, Paul writes, “If we are faithless, He remains faithful–for He cannot deny Himself.” My friends, our gracious Lord remains true to His Word. As I was unfaithful to Him last semester and the beginning of this semester, He remained faithful.
Just because I wandered from His throne, He did not stop being who He has claimed Himself to be. My wandering did not pose a threat to His majesty. It did not make Him run away from me.
Instead, He pursued me even harder. He remained faithful even when I was faithless. And my friends, this is the Lord whom we serve. We serve a Holy and gracious God, and this is the Lord whom I love.
Now, with all of that being said, I want to ask you a question. Have you wandered from the throne of grace? Has your heart sought things above His? Have you been faithless?
Whether your answer is yes or no, know this one thing: even if you are faithless, even if you are unfaithful to Him, even if you wander from His throne, HE REMAINS FAITHFUL.
Your sin does not scare Him, and it never did. He sent His one and only Son to die for you in the pit of your sin, so what do you think would scare Him away from you and your sin? He has seen the dark depravity of your heart and loves you the same. He remains faithful in His pursuit of you throughout all of your life.
So run to the arms of the One who remains faithful throughout eternity. He is calling you. Come to the altar and fall into the arms of the One who will look you and your sin in the eye and say, “‘Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.'” (John 8:11b) He is faithful to love you just as much when you wander as when you are faithful. Go to Him.
As always, please know that no matter who you are, you are loved and prayed for. Our team is here for you. If you need prayers, or just someone to talk to you can message us on our Facebook page, find us on Instagram & Twitter at ( _woventogether), or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. We would love to hear from you.
well, I’m outtie.
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